Forever and Always
by Echo of Sound
Summary: Shikamaru writes a letter to Kankurou and lets him know everything.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, or the characters in it. I just rp them for fun.

**AN:** This is from Shikamaru's point of view. In the rp community I'm inShikamaru and Kankurou have had some pretty hefty problems in their screwed up little relationship. If you've ever read "as it stands" (which is actually a real rp adapted with permission from the Kank player) you'll know somewhat of a history on them. There have actually been some other major problems. One very big one being that Shikamaru started dating Kakashi after a trip gone wrong to Suna with Kankurou.

Shikamaru is now dating Temari again, and promised to not repeat the past, but he's pretty desperate to let Kankurou know that he will always love him. That basically he'd die without some kind of interaction with him. It's not that long, so please read on. :D

* * *

I just feel so lost without you. Like nothing in the world matters because I lost it all when I'm not with you. In a way I suppose that's a good thing. I tend to focus more on others like I should when I'm not with you. But I focus on them because of you. I'm forced to put my selfish self aside for them.

You once told me "you mean the world to me"… I never told you that you were my world. If you crumbled, so did I. If you faltered, so did I. When I was with someone else, I was never really WITH them like I should have been because you were still in the picture. Don't feel guilty about that. I don't. I never truly wanted to be with anyone but you… but I've always had this problem with poor decision making when it came to myself. If I think it'll make me happy, even for a brief moment I'll take it.

Until you stepped into my life I wasn't very happy. Not with myself, the world, or anything in it but the clouds I'd stare at. Through all the things we've been through together: burning Gai's house down, multiple beatings, break-ups, make-ups, deaths and almost deaths, cheatings, and I think the list could go on from here… The point however is that even though most of those were unhappy, I still managed to smile because of you.

I admit that we have bad timing, more on my part because I could have chosen a better time to tell you that I liked you. But honestly it really hadn't hit me until then. I don't know the point that I started to feel that way toward you, and I probably told you that I loved you way too early (I know I did). I didn't know exactly what love was at that point. I was lying because I hadn't really discovered love yet. But it was you that I found it in.

I've only ever wanted to stay by your side, and I know I have the worst way of showing it. I go off into other relationships fast after we break up. I think my reason for that is my happiness problem. A brand new relationship offers me that happiness I crave. But it's only temporary. I've only ever been happy with you or Kakashi, but you see where I was with him. I left him for you because YOU are my true happiness.

I started writing down random thoughts, and reasons that ended up as a letter to you now. You better understand me, or at least I hope. I want to better understand you so that if I ever get the chance to make you happy again, that I can take it and keep you happy forever.

I hope with every cloud that ever comes into being, or ever was; that we get that chance again. That I hope we take that chance, and keep it safe. Guard it well and use it, because I know it would be the last one we got.

Kankurou, from the depths of my heart I love you and always will. No matter who I'm with, where I am, or what I'm doing. My only thoughts will be you.

Forever and Always,

Shikamaru

* * *

**AN:** HAHA I know there's a lot of oocness going on somewhere in there, or perhaps not. We don't really know the characters as well as we'd like to think. So when your an RPer you tend to make more of a personality for them, or incorporate some of your own in. I hope you enjoyed the mushy, fluff of lovey dovey goodness. Reviews are very welcomed, And thank you for reading my poor little muses ramblings :D 


End file.
